My Church

I don't go to church.  Have an opinion about that if you want.  My church is a quiet moment in nature a lot of times.  Sunrises, sunsets, northern lights, the lake, a trail in the woods.  Seeing those things and being near them lifts my spirits, makes me thankful for life, and clears my mind.

On Friday morning this week, this sunrise was my church.  With the great weather, I had wanted to catch a sunrise all week.  I was crabby and busy and thinking about a decision I would have to make soon.   By the end of Thursday I felt so frustrated, I decided to take Friday off to decompress.  After I dropped my son off at school, I saw that orange ball of fire coming up off the lake and knew God was calling me.  "Come to Jesus, girl."  I needed to be reminded that my life doesn't suck and things always work out.

 

Bike Riding at Lunch Down Memory Lane

 We've been having super weather for this time of year.  It feels like summer.  I rode my bike to work the other day...cuz I can!  It really feels like a second cup of coffee for me sometimes.  Everything is still pretty quiet that time of morning.

At lunchtime, I thought I would ride my bike down to the lake and just soak in awesomeness for an hour.  I sat on a bench and closed my eyes for a while.  Then I strolled down the beach.  I felt pretty blessed.

That particular space has a lot of memories for my family.  We'd take our kids there all the time when they were tater tots and we didn't have our own backyard.  I got a little sad looking at the playground.  You know that feeling as a parent when it feels sad, nostalgic but warm?  That was the one.

I remember when each my kids ran across the tops of the green tires by themselves for the first time, starting on the little ones and then trying the big ones.  My daughter loved to pushed insanely high and fast on the tire swing.  My son always running towards the beach to throw rocks in the water.  Why do those memories always evoke tears?  Are they tears of sadness or happiness?  Sadness because those days are gone and happiness because you were lucky to have them?  That's my guess.

Beerfest 2014

Last year was the first time I went to the local Beerfest.  Afterwards I had the strangest buzz.  So strange that when my husband asked me if I wanted to go again this year, I was not real excited.  But my sister-in-law needed a weekend away from home and wanted to drink beer so I said okay.

This year I plotted out my choices, staying away from all the hyped barrel-aged stuff.  Well, I did have one but I also managed to drink slow and sip some water now and again.  It worked out much better and we had a lot of fun.  The weather was perfect.  We drank beer, made fun of some people, laughed at ourselves and my husband got an autographed beer sign from the guys of Dark Horse Nation.

And we're off.  Nice photo bombers in the back.

Cheers to the lightweights in the chairs...one hour in.

Autographed sign..made hubby's day

Beer guzzling bunny band

Fat man on an apple swing

Last two tokens, baby.

Beach Bum

For the first time in nine years, I have taken vacation in August.  Like the middle of August.  It's so foreign to me.  In my previous job, we weren't allowed to take time off from mid-July through Labor Day because we were so busy.  I learned to just deal with it but in the back of my mind I always hated it.  It always felt like work stress kept me from enjoying half of my summer.  Our summer season up north is so short to begin with.

So when I started my new job, all I could think about was how different my summers were going to be.  I made sure to ask for time off both in July and August.  It has been wonderful.  Today, I went down to the beach at 10:30 in the morning...on a work day...in the middle of August.  So great!  I was alone, the water was calm, the sun was bright.  I had my favorite chair and a new book to read and I was in absolute heaven.

I am a beach bum.  Always have been.  I love sitting with my feet in the sand and reading.  And it's almost spiritual, the feeling of getting warmed up in the sun and then dunking in the ice cold water of the lake.  It recharges me.  It takes away stress and makes me feel like everything's going to be okay.

We Live Where People Vacation

Jussayin...

Backyard Additions

I got this guy this weekend at the Outback Art Fair.  I go every year and had seen him there for the past couple of years.  It was time he came home with me.  

Thanks to NieNie Dialogues, I heard about this etsy shop.  I finally bought one and will probably start to collect them and give as gifts.  Piggy & Dirt

Cedar Point 2014

Our second trip of the year was to Cedar Point.  My kids have never been there.  Well, my daughter has technically but she was only two weeks old in my belly and I didn't know she was there yet.  Hahaha!  Probably why she rode everything without fear.

It was really fun to have all the cousins spend time together.  We usually don't take more than one trip a year; hell, we sometimes don't take any.  But we decided that our kids aren't getting any younger and memories have to be made so the to-do list will have to wait.  It was worth it.  There were more smiles and laughing than complaining and pouting.  This is huge considering we (four adults and 6 kids) spent 14 hours at the park the first day and 12 hours there the second.  They're already talking about the next trip.

Summer Blooms...Finally!

I always look forward to spring/summer but it was especially so this year.  We had such a blustery, cold winter that felt like it would never end.  I'm so glad to see the yard come alive.

A Different Kind of Snow Day

It's Memorial Weekend.  Today it was almost 85 degrees and, yet, we share the water with icebergs. Amazing.  It was a hell of a winter and this weekend marks where winter finally or almost has ended and summer is trying to begin.

The Drive of Shame

I ran into my aunt at the grocery store yesterday.  She lives with my grandpa who is a victim of dementia which will likely turn into Alzheimer's.  Yes, I meant to say victim because that's how I feel about this disease.  It slowly takes away the person you know and the ones in his life slowly get taken away from his mind.  It sucks.

Anyway, on top of all that, she was let go from her job after 30 years of being there.  The doctor she worked for up and left.  Gave the office six weeks' notice and has not paid their last pension payment to them yet.  My aunt was planning several trips this year.  After two, almost three years of constantly caring for my grandpa, she was finally going to get back to traveling.  It's her favorite thing and my uncle is in a position to help out more with grandpa.  She was actually in Dublin when she got the news about her job.  "I enjoyed it but in the back of my mind I kept thinking about how I wouldn't have a job when I got back," she said.  She already booked a couple more trips and it's not like you can cancel airline tickets.

As we were talking, a friend of hers stopped and she was forced to tell the story all over again.  I wondered how many times she had to revisit this.  Every person she runs into must ask.  Over and over, leaving a conversation feeling like crap.  I said goodbye and continued with my shopping list.  My cart was full and my aunt didn't even have a cart.  Just a couple things in hand.  Seemed symbolic all of a sudden.  So much so that by the time I got to the car, I was crying.  I felt so bad for her.  So close to retiring but not quite ready.  You know how many times I've heard this in the past decade?  Let see...my dad twice, my mother-in-law, two of my husband's uncles.  It's a sign of the times and it sucks like my grandpa's decaying mind.

Which brought me back to my full cart.  God, I suck too.  You know how many times in the past decade I've said, "fuck my life"?  More tears.  I began a conversation with the big guy upstairs.  I thanked Him for all the blessings in my life:  a healthy family, a steady job, a place to live, great health insurance compared to the national average.  A full cart.  Yeah, I had a leaky shower drain last week and my cars are falling apart and my insurance is about to go up with a 16-year-old but big deal.  I wasn't my dad, getting his degree at 60 years old and networking with a bunch of people half his age trying to land a better job.  I wasn't my aunt saying I'll just ride it out on unemployment until I figure something out.  And I wasn't my mother-in-law working at a grocery store bakery with no insurance and no retirement plan anymore.

I cried all the way home.  The drive of shame to the east side of town with my trunk full of groceries knowing that I hadn't been thankful doing the same thing many Saturdays before.  I spread the shame when I got home by telling my husband what had happened and that we had no business complaining about our life.  It wasn't fair to those in our family who had it worse.  He agreed.  I thanked God one more time.

Chicago Sweet 16

When we had asked our daughter what she wanted for her 16th birthday besides a driver's license, she immediately blurted out, "I think it would be cool to go to shopping in Chicago.  Mom, even you said that before."  What?  Oh maybe I did.

It was an awesome time!  I don't think my kids truly understood the enormity of the city until they got there.  I got a sweet deal on room at the Sheraton Towers.

We made it to the Skydeck...

Shedd Aquarium...

And, of course, The Bean.

My son loved the Skydeck and the pool at the hotel.  Neither of my kids were impressed with the aquarium. And, of course, my daughter and I did plenty of shopping.  I mean shop until we had to hobble back to the hotel.  My husband and I saw a semi-celebrity.  A man from "My Strange Addiction" who is obsessed with plastic surgery and wants to look like a ken doll.

We ate at Food Life, Red Mango and Hot Woks Cool Sushi.  We also stopped at Garrett Popcorn...twice.  It's addicting.

We got approached by Save the Children, homosexual rights and vegan activists and homeless people looking for money.  We rode in three cabs, one of which smelled like piss.  We saw where a movie was being filmed on Michigan Avenue.  My husband got asked to buy a man a Chick-Fil-A sandwich twice and got offered a shoe shine by another man even though he was wearing sneakers.  I got called a cheap ass by a cab driver.  We got the full city experience.

Oh! To Be a Stay-At-Home Mom

I had to call in to work today.  My son is sick, which is rare.  He's not quite old enough (in my opinion) to be left home alone when he's sick unlike my high school daughter.  It was quiet in the house.  My husband at work, my daughter at school and my son sleeping with the dog.  I had a thought.  This could have been my life everyday if I had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom.  I could have this quiet every morning before starting my daily routine.  I would have time to scramble eggs for my kids in the morning if they wanted them.  I wouldn't have to call my boss when my son was home sick from school. 

It's the quilt and occasional resentment I deal with as a working mom.  My husband and I were never in a financial position to make that an option years ago.  Plus, I think as a child of divorced parents, I have always felt the need to have my own job just in case things ever went sour in my own marriage.  My mom was a stay-at-home mom and I watched her go out in the world and look for work when I was in middle school, preparing to be a single mom.  She said to me once, "Always have a skill.  Always have a way to make your own money."  Partially words of wisdom to her young daughter and partially kicking herself in hindsight.  Maybe it was then that I realized I would be a working mom out of fear of depending on someone else.  Who knows.  I just know that as a grown women looking back, I would have liked to have had the choice to stay at home.  Avoid the guilt and occasional resentment as a working mom.

Ultimately, though, your kids have a path in life either way.  They are destined to do certain things and make certain choices whether or not you had time to scramble eggs in the morning for them.  My mom was a stay-at-home mom to my sister and I and a working mom to my younger brother later in life.  We all turned out pretty great.  We've all made our way into the world and made our choices and live our own lives happily.  I have said in the past that home is a verb.  It's what you do within the walls you live that matters most.  You can raise great kids in a shack or mansion; as a working mom or a stay-at-home mom; as a strict or liberal parent.  It's about doing what's best and or necessary for your family.

Photo courtesy of Lina Blair

Marriage Does Not Guarantee Forever

It's true.  Marriage does not guarantee forever.  I'm not cynical; I'm just keeping it real.  My husband and I are both from divorced families.  Many of my friends are divorced.  Many of my kids' friends' parents are divorced.  Hell, MANY couples are married, miserable and wishing they were divorced!  

So why, when we're putting on the fancy attire and carrying the flowers and slipping rings on fingers do we somehow get it in our minds that it's forever?  Because God said so?  Because the Pope says so?  Because "they" say so?  Who the hell is "they" anyway?  If you take into consideration the national studies done, I'll bet 60 percent of they are divorced.

I'm not trying to be depressing or foreboding here.  I just had a thought this morning that if, when we're first married, we realize that marriage doesn't guarantee forever, we might try a little harder to take care of each other and be kind to each other and make each other happy more often from the beginning.

Just a random thought from a random girl...

A New Chapter

I just cannot believe the zen in my personal life right now.  I'm not bragging; I'm just in pleasant disbelief and wonder!  Since my husband and I moved on to different jobs, we have experienced so much more peace in our home.  We aren't as negative.  We don't bring work home like we used to.  We are nicer to each other.  We're more affectionate.  I knew our previous jobs caused us stress (job stress is always present) but I didn't realize the enormity of it until we did something different.

Oh, don't be fooled.  We still have problems to face and deadlines to meet and kids to corral but without the added stress we had previously, we just face them with lighter hearts and without hyperventilating.  I'm just happy and thankful for the change.

What To Do in 2014...

With the arrival of the new year, I have been thinking about what to do in 2014.  Blog more?  Maybe.  I feel like I stopped blogging because I stopped doing anything worth posting.  Here's some things I would like to tackle.

First, I must do one of these ladders in my upstairs bathroom.  Thanks again, Funky Junk, for a super idea.

http://www.funkyjunkinteriors.net/2014/01/the-bathroom-vanity-is-undecided-which-room.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FKCcu+%28Funky+Junk+Interiors%29




I would also like to do some of these around the house since I'm obsessed with succulents...



Thanks, Tatertots and Jello!
http://i1.wp.com/tatertotsandjello.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/mason-jar-succulents-and-spring-mantel-Tatertots-Jello.jpg


A list of house things I want to do.  We'll see how many get completed by the year's end.

1. Paint my upstairs bathroom
2. Paint the basement
3. Change some light fixtures
4. Create a storage space under the basement stairs
5. Create storage space in my bedroom closet
6. Curtains in my living room (I can never find any I like.  Maybe I'm too picky.)
7. Paint front and back porches
8. Repair cement porch step
9. Expand garden (maybe a permanent spot instead of a pallet garden)

A list of personal goals.

1. Exercise more (This is an ongoing goal of mine)
2. Salmon fishing (I want to stock my freezer so I don't have to buy it!)
3. Nurture my friendships
4. Nurture my marriage
5. Spend more fun time with my kids

There's more, much more. But this will do for the next year.