What's With That Anyway?

Okay, I said I didn't want my blog to be a bitching journal but I need an outlet tonight. I've been going through a rough patch the past few weeks. Okay, let's be honest. It's a pity party. I just don't feel good. Let's list the reasons why, shall we? This is, after all, my blog. I am grossed out by my body. I'm having a hard time balancing my life. I want to have more fun and feel more joy but most days I feel like I'm drowning in a bunch of to-do lists. Then I feel guilty for feeling this way because I know I have lots to feel joy about. My chores are getting on my nerves. My family is getting on my nerves.

I'm getting on my nerves.

I've been having anxiety about getting older and not experiencing all the things I want to experience. I mean, why am I waiting? Again, let me mention all that to-do crap. It's exhausting being a mother and wife with a full-time job outside the home. I hate that I feel resentful of it all.

Then I look around when I'm at the store or at work. I see a lot of women with that same look in their eye that I see in mine when I look in the mirror. That exhausted, unsatisfied look. Bodies that were way more beautiful back when. Why do women have to sacrifice so much to have it all? Want to get married? Yep. Well know that you'll spend most of your time watching everything bad happen to you as a couple that you see happen in movies and hear about from your already married friends, no matter how much you say you won't. Want to have kids? Yep. But know your body will look like shit when it's all said and done and your hormones will take a complete 180. There's a good chance you won't even recognize yourself (physically and mentally). Personally, I haven't exposed my stomach in public ever since giving birth and I'm crabby more often. Just sayin. You like having sex and going out on dates? Yep. Yeah, well, you can kiss those silly things goodbye when you have a house to clean, a dog to feed, bills to pay and children's needs to tend to. Maybe when you're older and the kids move out. But you don't want to wait til then? Me neither.

And, again, here's where the guilt sets in about venting all of the above. There are many people in this world who have it a lot worse than I. I'm not stupid. I'm whining, but not stupid. I just fear looking back on my life and saying, "Well, I wanted to do that.," or, "Well, I wanted to feel that way." And every day that I sit here and feel sorry for myself and say fuck my life is a day that is wasted. I have to become proactive. One step at a time. Choose joy and fun over cleaning a toilet or saying yes to a sleep-over for the third weekend in a row. That's the only way...I think.

Time Is Ticking

Ugh. I feel like time is ticking away and I haven't done nearly close to what I should have for my age. Not enough living for my young 36 years. I tend to get too wrapped up in the everyday to-do list of life. Can't get the years, days and hours back, you know. Is it too early to make a New Year's resolution? I am a constant worry-wart about money. But the truth is you can't take it with you when you go. I need to find a balance between paying the necessary bills and spending on things that please me. And that goes for time too. I can't just spend all my time with my have-to's. I have to find a way to make time for the want-to's. Isn't that the ultimate quest in life? To achieve balance in your life? That's why I started the section to the right. I felt the need to create a space on my blog for things that bring joy to my life everyday. It's a little eye opener for me. Wish me luck on my quest for balance.

Sand Point

Every summer we go to Sand Point in Munising. It has become a tradition of sorts, I guess. It's one of my favorite Yooper beaches. You almost feel like you're on an island. The sand is fine, the water is bright, and the sand bar goes out a long ways. I could lay there all day. Actually...I have.

Metal Art

I love metal art. So does my mom. She has a really great garden center near her that sells great metal art for super cheap. She picked me up some for the whole house...