Defining Success

I've been thinking a lot lately about what success means.  I'm in the midst of a crossroads myself and so is my daughter so it's no wonder this topic is on the brain.

My daughter decided not to attend college right away in the fall.  I'm sure this was a hard thing to have to tell your parents when the topic of going to college comes up in conversations again and again your senior year of high school.  As a parent, when you receive this news, your heart sinks a little.  After all, it's somehow the way we're programmed to think - graduate from high school and go to college.  A panic attack ensues full of worry and what-if's.  Is she just scared?  Should I push harder for her to go?  If she takes time off, will she ever go?  Does supporting her life journey have boundaries?  These questions are what sleepless nights are made of.  It didn't make sense.   Highly intelligent young lady.  Got good grades most of her life.  Extremely high ACT scores.  Always in the above average column on all those tests they take beginning in kindergarten.

And then I thought about this notion of having to go to college.  Has this become another keep-up-with-the-Joneses phenomenon?  I mean, when my grandparents and parents graduated from high school, it wasn't automatically assumed that everyone went to college next.  Most didn't.  And what about all the young adults who go to college and do poorly, take extra time to graduate, change majors a half a dozen times, or just plain drop out after a year?  How many of those students, if given the chance, would have taken some time off between high school and college, would have gladly done so if they knew they wouldn't disappoint their families?  How many of those young adults would have found happiness and success a different way if given the chance?

I work at a university and have seen my share of students floundering through courses because they are led to believe this is the only way to achieve success and ultimately happiness in life.  I've actually heard students say they were only here because their parents wanted them to be here.  Really?  Do I want the same for my kids?  Do I want to force a circle into a square because I don't want people in my life to look down upon my parenting skills and my kid's character?  I have always believed that every soul on this earth has its own unique journey, a journey that is far greater than my parental guidelines.  My job as a parent is to support my child's uniqueness and be her number one fan so that she feels supported enough to go out into the world and be who she wants to be.  I don't get to control that journey.

Still, I find myself frustrated.  I find myself pleading to God, "Please help her find her way."  I guess it's another thing that can't be controlled...a mom's worry.