Looking For Meaning

I try to avoid negative posts to my blog.  But it is called Kristi Randomly so I guess I need to randomly be negative.

I'm not feeling negative so much as I'm feeling lost and blah.  I know part of that is just changing my mind frame.  You do have to chose to be happy and hopeful.  I know that.  But we as humans sometimes have to let ourselves feel the opposite for a bit and get it out of our system.

Lately everything has been crap.  My grama is near the end of her life.  My daughter failed her math class needed to graduate.  Our one car took a crap and we needed to dump a ton of money into it.  This meant we had to miss our nephew's graduation party downstate.  The coffee pot broke.  My favorite neighbor moved away.  Not to mention many other things gone wrong that would normally not be a big deal but in the midst of the others, it just feels like more stones being thrown at me.

When I think of spending the next 20+ years in my line of work, I could sometimes puke.  Why wasn't I more focused in college?  Why did I shy away from some of my dreams?  I want to be that person who not only enjoys her personal life to the fullest but also enjoys going to her job.  I feel a bit dull lately in both.  I wonder sometimes if I'm just too scared and unmotivated to do anything about it.  I wonder if I'm having some sort of mid-life crisis.  While turning 40 made me less concerned with what people think of me, it has also caused some anxiety about growing older and not packing enough into each day.  It has made me weigh my successes and failures.  It keeps me up a lot at night.  ZzzQuil has become my new friend.  I despise the energy I have spent on all this pondering.

This is when I pull out my favorite quote for tough times:

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."  ~Harriet Beecher Stowe

I'm hanging on, Harriet.  The wait is exhausting sometimes but I know you're right about that tide.




  

Big Bird Burgers

I haven't blogged about a recipe in a while.  I have a Rachel Ray cookbook but haven't tried anything new in a while from it so last weekend I decided to.  It's the Big Bird Burger.  It's a chicken burger with spinach topped with sauteed mushrooms and Dijon mustard.  They were fantastic and I actually can't wait to try them on the grill this summer.

I'm too lazy to type out the recipe so here's a link to it online.

Family Weekend

My sister-in-law, niece and nephew came to visit for the weekend.  My nephew was checking out our town and the university here.  My husband is very excited at the thought of him coming to school here.  Since my sister-in-law regrets not going away to college, she is even more excited about the prospect of her son going away to school.  He seemed excited but did mention that he was concerned about the long trip here.

We always have fun when they come to town.  We laugh a lot and despite having a full house, it's pretty laid back.  My kind of company.

 

Another Birthday, Girl-Woman

My daughter is 17 today.  I know I sound like every parent but where DOES the time go?  I looked through pictures this morning to put a Facebook collage together and it was like watching a movie of the last 17 years in fast forward.  It's all good though.  Life doesn't stop.

She's so close to starting a new big chapter of her life and she's chomping at the bit.  I remember it well; I was the same way.  I spent lots of time when I was her age dreaming of life after high school.

I wonder what her wish was today.  I hope she gets all her wishes.  I hope she doesn't spend all of her time waiting for the next chapter but instead lives in the moment...every moment.